Markets Rally After CEO Insures Company Against Reality

In a bold new financial innovation, several corporations have reportedly taken out 'reality insurance' to protect themselves from the consequences of their own decisions. Traders celebrated, calling it the 'most honest hedge' since the invention of the credit card. One CEO claimed the move would ensure 'emotional stability' for shareholders, noting that 'if reality hits, we’ll just file a claim.' The stock market responded by soaring 8%, then immediately forgot why. Economists warned it might trigger a new mortgage-style bubble, but analysts replied, 'We’re covered for that too.' Insurers, meanwhile, are quietly inventing 'meta-insurance'—policies that insure insurers from having to pay out. Experts say this could finally make capitalism entirely fictional.