Nation Launches Ministry of Apologies to Fix Everything
In a decisive move described as “bold, brave, and suspiciously convenient,” the United Federation of Somewhere has launched the Ministry of National Apologies, a new political department exclusively responsible for saying sorry faster than scandals can appear. Officials claim it will “streamline governmental remorse,” though early reports suggest it mainly generates beautifully formatted PDFs. Sources say the ministry’s logo, a dove bowing politely, is already causing diplomatic giggles abroad — the first measurable success, according to its creators.
In a decisive move described as “bold, brave, and suspiciously convenient,” the United Federation of Somewhere has launched the Ministry of National Apologies, a new political department exclusively responsible for saying sorry faster than scandals can appear. Officials claim it will “streamline governmental remorse,” though early reports suggest it mainly generates beautifully formatted PDFs. Sources say the ministry’s logo, a dove bowing politely, is already causing diplomatic giggles abroad — the first measurable success, according to its creators.
According to the founding document — a glossy 78-page booklet titled Oops: A Strategic Framework — the ministry promises to cut bureaucratic apology delays by 92%. “Why waste taxpayer money on preventing problems when we can efficiently apologize after they happen?” said Interim Apology Secretary Dr. Mera Quill during the inauguration ceremony, where she delivered a pre-emptive apology “for any future mic issues.” Analysts note the department combines customer-service call-center scripts with political speechwriting, creating a hybrid workflow experts call “regret-as-a-service.”