Cloud Startup Claims It Has Successfully Stored Nothing at Scale
In a development the global tech sector is calling “bold, terrifying, and weirdly poetic,” the emerging startup Null Systems announced it has become the first company to store absolutely nothing using a proprietary “negative-capacity cloud array.” The company celebrated the breakthrough with a press release that proudly featured an empty PDF — a move analysts praised as “hyper-efficient communication” and interns described as “a printer break disguised as innovation.” Experts say the achievement could redefine cloud computing, mostly because no one understands how it works but everyone agrees it’s billable.
In a development the global tech sector is calling “bold, terrifying, and weirdly poetic,” the emerging startup Null Systems announced it has become the first company to store absolutely nothing using a proprietary “negative-capacity cloud array.” The company celebrated the breakthrough with a press release that proudly featured an empty PDF — a move analysts praised as “hyper-efficient communication” and interns described as “a printer break disguised as innovation.” Experts say the achievement could redefine cloud computing, mostly because no one understands how it works but everyone agrees it’s billable.
Null’s CEO, Exception Pointer, explained that the platform is an “inverse data fabric” that compresses zeroes further than physics recommends. Pointer claims the system is capable of storing nothing with 99.999% durability, meaning nothing will be lost, damaged, or accidentally turned into something. “Competitors store petabytes,” he said, “but only we store the conceptual absence of data — a resource previously wasted in every organization except government inboxes.”